• – Use baskets or boxes for different items, e.g. one for toys, one for socks, etc. – throw things in and sort them out later.
• – Put a basket at the foot of the staircase to collect anything that needs taking upstairs.
• – Keep a wipe-clean board in the kitchen to note down things you need to do or buy.
• – Put all your household bills in one file or tray; mark payment dates on the kitchen calendar.
• – Use commercial ‘ready wipes’ for housework – they are slightly more expensive but easier and quicker.
• – Save all your supermarket carrier bags for kitchen rubbish and make one trip daily to the rubbish bin.
• – Tidy up as you go along each day – this is easier than one big weekly clear-up.
• – Get some Melissa & Doug toys for your baby to occupy themselves and relief yourself temporary.
• - Involve older children in picking up their own toys, clearing the table, etc. with rewards for good work; make a game of it for them.
• – Keep a bag ready packed – and restocked – with all the things you need for your baby when you go out.
• – Keep two laundry baskets in the bathroom for light and dark laundry to save having to separate them later.
• – Put a load of washing in the machine to wash overnight, then dry in the morning.
• – Put socks and small items in a mesh bag to avoid having to sort them out.
• – Separate out forks, knives, spoons, etc. into separate sections in the dishwasher.
• – Keep a bowl of water ready to soak very heavily caked-on cooking utensils before washing.
• – Invest in a slow cooker, vegetable steamer or learn how to cook one-pot meals to reduce washing up.
• – When you leave work, ask friends to give you a gift of ‘housework tokens’ so they can do small chores for you when you need them.
• – Cook double amounts of food and freeze half.
• – Plan weekly menus and keep the list in the kitchen – this avoids the need to think about what to cook and reduces shopping.
• – Keep some supermarket ‘ready-prepared’ meals in the freezer for emergencies
• – Shop online for groceries.

There are ways to control or even change the behavior of your child, but there’s one way that is sure to fail – retelling your child not to do something. After that sinks in, you need to think back and calculate how many times in the past month you have said to your child, perhaps with your voice raised: “Don’t do that”.

You have certainly noticed that young children especially seem hell-bent on doing exactly what you have just – perhaps forcibly – told them not to do. The child s not being perverse, and is not trying to annoy you – though has undoubtedly succeeded in doing so. It’s just that the human brain is not geared to handle the word ‘not’. So although you have said do not do that, the child’s brain processes that as ‘do that’. So s/he dares, and gets very confused when you get angry, and sometime resorts to blows.

Actually, you have probably experienced this for yourself in your own adult life. Can you remember telling yourself to be careful not to do something – then doing it! It may be something straightforward like not spilling coffee from a cup you have overfilled – then spilling it. It may be a situation relating to your child, where you tell yourself before taking them to task over something, not to raise your voice or lose your temper. Then – hold and behold – you shout and lose your temper…

The same may well happen at work too. You remind yourself you must not forget to do something, and then you completely and utterly forget.

A very interesting recent book was written about this called Performance Intelligence. You can read about it on our companion blog newbizideas4u.com. The main author, who by profession is a sports psychologist, notes that there is a significant difference between playing to win and playing not to lose, which can apply to a golf ball as well as a sporting meet.

Since you have been married, you may be wondering what on earth the fairy story writers were talking about!

How many people do you know – including yourselves – who live happily ever after?

But let’s not be cynical. One of the reasons we get married is to have children, right? But even that does not necessarily lead to living happily ever after, does it? In fact, it is likely that if you are a ‘normal parent’ living a ‘normal life’ – mortgage, medical bills, school fees, having to deliver and collect children from school, tuition classes, sports etc, etc, – and trying to hold down a job – overtime, home late, missing birthday parties, etc etc – you may begin to wonder whether it is all worth it. Problems with time, problems with money, sex life not being like it was… … You know the feeling I am sure.

It has always seemed strange to me that we don’t really prepare ourselves properly to get married, and we certainly don’t get properly prepared for becoming a parent, which is not an easy role.

In fact part of the problem is that it is not a role. It is in fact four roles, each of which needs to be performed effectively if you are to be a good parent and produce and develop good kids.

Four roles?? No wonder it’s tough being a parent!!

What are they?

First you have to be an educator. Hang on, you say, education is the school’s job. Yes and no. The three R’s = reading, ‘riting and ‘rithmetic may be the school’s job, but the education of your children is much too important to be left to teachers.

Then you have to be an authority. Now that’s an easier role you may think. That’s what canes were invented for!  Again, yes and no. They can be useful sometimes, but that’s not really all that authority is about.

Then you have to be a counsellor. You can’t counsel with a cane. Counselling is a communication skill, not a contact sport. And communication involves listening as well as talking, and it rarely includes ordering. It also involves time, and heaven knows, you’ve already got too little of that!

And finally, you need to be a guide. Although kids, as they grow older, claim they know what they are doing and where they are going, they don’t really. And you will be well aware that in a number of cases, what they want to do, and where they want to go is not exactly what you would like them to do and where you would like them to go.

If any of the above rings bells for you, then keep checked in to this blog. Over the next little while, we shall explore each of these roles in more depth.

Erika recommends reading to baby regularly, twice a day, every day. Start with a short span of five to six minutes for each reading session and as your baby’s attention span increases, lengthen the reading time.

HOW TO READ

Read slowly and deliberately. Remember you are reading to your baby, not to yourself!

Make appropriate pauses, giving time for baby to look at the pictures.

Repeat key words; point out and elaborate on details, e.g., “This is a cat – a cat says. “meow” or “look at the spider – it is black and has eight legs.” Vary your volume and pace of reading according to the storyline, eg, a louder volume and faster pace for exciting lines in the story.

Talk about what is happening in the story, what happened earlier and what might happen next. These are important concepts for sequencing events and will help your child understand the concept of the beginning, middle and end of a story – prediction is a valuable comprehension skill. Try to make connections between the story you are reading and the world around your baby.

Look for language in her physical movements. Your baby tells you she has a tummy ache by drawing her knees tightly up to her stomach. You can tell she is relaxed when she lies flat on her back, gazing wide-eyed at the musical mobile.

Facial expressions are her way of communicating emotions. Psychologists have identified seven basic facial expressions that adults are capable of generating- unhappiness, joy, surprise, interest, disgust, terror and rage. Your baby too has enough control over her facial muscles to create all of these facial expressions herself.

CRIES

And then there is crying. During this first year, you quickly learn that your baby has different cries to express her different moods and sensations. You will develop an ability to tell one cry from another. It’s amazing how much she can tell you without uttering a word!

Here are some of her typical cries:

“IT’S FEEDING TIME“

This is one of those cries that starts off reasonably quiet, and then gets louder and louder. There are occasional pauses for a few seconds, as she swallows great gulps of air, but the crying is relentless.

“IT’S CHANGING TIME”

She doesn’t like to lie in a dirty nappy, and she wriggles her body about. Her crying is not so sharp because her distress is not so great. She may stop her tears occasionally, but will keep crying until she is changed into a dry one.

“IT’S PLAY TIME”

Your baby can amuse herself to some extent but she needs you to play, tall and interact with her. When bored, she uses crying almost like a shout – it is just to attract your attention.

Three months and over, eye-movements also become part of her body language repertoire. You know exactly what she means when she stares at the biscuit tin, babbles angrily and starts to cry. And when she bangs a toy loudly against the side of her cot, her furrowed expression lets you know she is angry. So make sure that you shop for toys that are durable.

SHE’s NEARLY ONE

By the time she’s one, these are some of the feelings she expresses:

REJECTION

Her hands push the food bowl away. She turns her face away as you raise the spoon to her lips. She’s telling you “I don’t like this and I want something else.”

CURIOSITY

You hear strange noises coming from her cot, and when you get there she’s straining to get hold of something that is just outside her reach.

ILL HEALTH

Lethargic body movements communicate as much as active gestures. If you’re infant is normally very active all the time and full of enthusiasm during her waking hours, then any listlessness should tell you she is feeling unwell.

Your baby’s ability to express her underlying feelings non-verbally creates a strong relationship with you. The more she feels you understand her, the stronger her emotional attachment to you.

What’s haunting me is the latter part of the love-hate relationship I have with nursing: leaking breasts the size of watermelons; feeling like I belong on a meadow among the cows; constantly smelling of breast milk; horrible cotton pads stuffed into bras that look like something from Grandma’s underwear drawer; and being the only one who can feed the baby in the middle of the night.

With these memories comes shame. After all, shouldn’t I have moved beyond these mixed feelings? I want to give my third child the same start in life that the first two had — breastfed for six months — yet this time I want to really enjoy it.

If you are feeling this way during pregnancy or encountered difficulties feeding previously, it’s best to get help around 35 or 36 weeks, with enough time to plan before baby arrives. As long as we know a mother’s history, we can talk through her concerns and work out a plan.

For my next baby, I suggest one bottle of expressed milk daily once lactation is established (usually at six weeks). Allowing my family to help with feeding will give me a break. The key to having the baby taking swell to both breast and bottle is being consistent.

If you stop for a week, the baby is likely to revert to just the breast and you could miss your window of opportunity. Being a lactation consultant and midwife makes me a natural breastfeeding activist.

What if I choose not to breastfeed?

We want the mother to breastfeed, but if she is unable or doesn’t want to, then we will support her in her choice. Pony’s response is very much in line with the center’s ethos — support to all mothers, regardless of whether or not they breastfeed.

Still a few months from birth, I am already feeling more relaxed about breastfeeding. I know that however wonderful and beneficial nursing my child is, it’s not a barometer of how much I love him or her.

The first shocking realization comes when new mothers realize that they still look six months pregnant after being wheeled out of the delivery room! I remained quite plump for the first two months, and only started to regain my figure in the seventh month.

According to doctor research explains that the amount a mother loses immediately after delivery would depend on the weight of the baby (usually 3 to 3.2kg), placenta (1/7th of the baby’s weight) and amniotic fluid (1 to 1.54); on average, 7kg in all.

“How long she takes to lose all the weight from pregnancy will depend on how much she has gained. So, don’t put on too much weight; 10 to 12kg is just perfect,” says doctor, who recommends total breastfeeding, dieting and exercise after the first six weeks of birth as good ways to regain your svelte pre-birth figure.

Reality Checking Your Emotions

If you are a first-time mum, don’t be surprised if you feel “sad” when bringing your baby home. “Baby blues” is a common syndrome that affects 50 to 70 per cent of postnatal women.

“It usually lasts a few days, in which new mothers experience spells of irritability and gloominess, as well as episodes of crying. More commonly, this afflicts first-time mothers and those who previously had significant premenstrual fluctuations of mood associated with PMS. This is attributed to hormonal changes after delivery,” says doctor.

Some mother even found herself “weepy” during the first month. They worried constantly if their baby was drinking sufficiently or sleeping well, and also felt especially useless when they could not breastfeed their son directly.

Doctor explains that the hormonal changes, coupled with the need to cope with a newborn baby, problems with breastfeeding, and a change in lifestyle, can be very challenging to any new mother, especially if she does not have any support.

“The clash in ideas on how to bring up the baby, the husband going to work, a crying child, and simple issues such as whether to use the supplements that are encouraged by some confinement ladies and grandmothers – all add to the depression,” says doctor, who advises new mothers to read, attend antenatal classes, and seek support from breastfeeding advisers or other mothers from the same generation. However, she cautions that “nothing really prepares you for the real thing”.

But finding the balance between too little, too much, and just the right amount can be difficult. Under-stimulation of your baby eventually causes him to be passive and lethargic — lack of toys, games, attention from parents, songs and other play activities has this effect. He quickly adjusts to the status of inactivity. And when he does receive stimulation, he doesn’t know how to react.

Over-stimulation of your baby, however, can be just as detrimental. The chances are that if you expect too much of your baby, you will continue to expect too much of him when he is older, and he may become afraid of failure. By the time he starts school, he could dread the prospect of not being the best pupil in class. Or you might be so obsessed with his intellectual and linguistic skills that you lose sight of his emotional development.

The Best Approach

Of course you want your growing baby to be bright, lively and alert. Finding a suitable level of stimulation is a challenge for every parent.

The best way to know that you’ve got a healthy balance is to watch your baby. If he is motivated, has a sparkling facial expression and reacts positively to you when you play with him, you can be sure you’ve got his stimulation just right.

Here are some suggestions:

* PLAY WITH YOUR BABY EVERY DAY

No matter how hectic your schedule is, you should have at least five or 10 minutes to play a couple of times. More would be ideal, but this should be the minimum.

* DON’T FORCE YOURSELF TO PLAY WITH YOUR BABY

If you’ve had a long, hard day with your baby and feel too tired to play any more with him, then stop.

* ALLOW HIM FREE PLAY

He needs to have times during the day when he explores, plays and discovers by himself, without your involvement or direction. Make sure he has free-play opportunities every single day.

* WATCH THE WAY HE PLAYS WITH TOYS

If you notice that he tends to play with the same toy every single day and that his play is repetitive and lacking adventure, it’s time to get more involved in order to extend his play skills.

* JOIN IN WITHOUT DOMINATING

When stimulating your baby, remember that there is a difference between playing with him and taking over altogether. Offer new suggestions and activities but let him be the one who plays with the toys, not you.

* KEEP IT FUN

Both you and your baby should enjoy your involvement with each other. If the fun goes out of play — either for you or your baby — there may be either too little or too much stimulation.

My husband and I were delighted with the present because we ourselves were avid readers who had more shelf space for books than clothes, pots and pans, and sports equipment combined. I recalled the warm memories of reading when I was little – skipping along beside my mother as she led us to the Bordland Community Library where my sister and I would spend hours sitting cross-legged on the floor, devouring books of all kinds. As I wanted John to start building similar memories, I began reading to him immediately.

Every night, since he was barely two months old, John and I sit together while I read aloud to him. At first, John would just stare quite blankly at the pages, while I chatted away. But as he got more active and aware, he began to participate in our reading “dates”, charming me by chewing on the books and helping me turn the pages. Recently, eight-month-old John has started babbling non-stop and our reading “dates” have taken on another dimension – they have become opportunities for him to pick up new sounds; for example, by hearing words like “banana”, “bicycle”, and “ball”, he is learning the “b” sound.

In addition, John sees an image of the banana hears the sounds “ba”, “na”, “no” and learns to associate those sounds with the image of a banana. Our regular reading “dates” have been educational, not just for John, but for me as well. I have become convinced that reading aloud to a child, even to a very young child like John, is an important and excellent activity that every parent should try.

The Burning Facts

The first step to ensure complete protection for our children is by understanding what those beautiful sunrays bring us. Sunrays contain three types of ultra violet rays. They progress from being harmful to really dangerous for our children’s delicate skins. UVA rays while having the least energy penetrate deepest into the skin. They cause premature aging and wrinkles and while they are least associated with skin cancer, they are can cause it if received in high dosage. UVB rays are the most potent and unprotected exposure to these rays result in sunburns, cataracts and immune system damage. These rays are also said to lie behind the development of melanoma. The third kind of UV rays — UVC have the most energy but as they are blocked by the earth’s atmosphere we do not have to worry about them.

UV rays are strongest during summer and places near the equator face their brunt more than others. Another sun fact to keep in mind is how chemical pollution has affected the intensity of the sunrays that reach us. Experts believe that they are more powerful and dangerous than they were 35 years ago. Gwen, mother of two, was very careful about using sunscreen on those hot sunny days when her daughter developed sunburn on a cloudy day Gwen was horrified. Now wiser she shares with us, “Clouds do not block those UV rays. Sunscreen is a necessity on everyday — that’s the rule at my home.”

With these facts on board our first instinct is to cover up our children and keep them indoor at all times. But control yourself for with sunscreen we are able to ensure that our children get the best of both worlds.