Look for language in her physical movements. Your baby tells you she has a tummy ache by drawing her knees tightly up to her stomach. You can tell she is relaxed when she lies flat on her back, gazing wide-eyed at the musical mobile.

Facial expressions are her way of communicating emotions. Psychologists have identified seven basic facial expressions that adults are capable of generating- unhappiness, joy, surprise, interest, disgust, terror and rage. Your baby too has enough control over her facial muscles to create all of these facial expressions herself.

CRIES

And then there is crying. During this first year, you quickly learn that your baby has different cries to express her different moods and sensations. You will develop an ability to tell one cry from another. It’s amazing how much she can tell you without uttering a word!

Here are some of her typical cries:

“IT’S FEEDING TIME“

This is one of those cries that starts off reasonably quiet, and then gets louder and louder. There are occasional pauses for a few seconds, as she swallows great gulps of air, but the crying is relentless.

“IT’S CHANGING TIME”

She doesn’t like to lie in a dirty nappy, and she wriggles her body about. Her crying is not so sharp because her distress is not so great. She may stop her tears occasionally, but will keep crying until she is changed into a dry one.

“IT’S PLAY TIME”

Your baby can amuse herself to some extent but she needs you to play, tall and interact with her. When bored, she uses crying almost like a shout – it is just to attract your attention.

Three months and over, eye-movements also become part of her body language repertoire. You know exactly what she means when she stares at the biscuit tin, babbles angrily and starts to cry. And when she bangs a toy loudly against the side of her cot, her furrowed expression lets you know she is angry. So make sure that you shop for toys that are durable.

SHE’s NEARLY ONE

By the time she’s one, these are some of the feelings she expresses:

REJECTION

Her hands push the food bowl away. She turns her face away as you raise the spoon to her lips. She’s telling you “I don’t like this and I want something else.”

CURIOSITY

You hear strange noises coming from her cot, and when you get there she’s straining to get hold of something that is just outside her reach.

ILL HEALTH

Lethargic body movements communicate as much as active gestures. If you’re infant is normally very active all the time and full of enthusiasm during her waking hours, then any listlessness should tell you she is feeling unwell.

Your baby’s ability to express her underlying feelings non-verbally creates a strong relationship with you. The more she feels you understand her, the stronger her emotional attachment to you.

Your new baby will also alter your social life. “I hardly go out with my friends anymore, because I have to express my milk every three to four hours daily. Even when I do, I’m often too tired to enjoy the night out. A simple trip to the shops gets tiring when I have to bring along tons of my pumping equipment,” shares Bonny.

And even if you do venture out, your expeditions would most likely be limited to baby-friendly shopping centers with nursing rooms. Karen, 26, a mother of a eight-month-old baby, who even had to change her circle of friends as not everyone fou venues, such as nd “poo” comparisons and diaper brand debates stimulating.

Your life would now literally revolve around your child. Some mothers have found that they even have to cut back on their “me time” for manicures, facials and other little luxuries. “There’s no more sleeping in on weekends, and we no longer take any spontaneous holidays,” according to Karen.

However, it is important to set limits and put aside time for pampering yourself, or even just to get basic sleep and recreation. “The family should offer support, and encourage the new mother to take some personal time off,” advises doctor.

Reality Checking Your Marriage

And Baby does make three, permanently! Be careful riot to become indifferent towards your role as a wife as you pay more attention towards your new duties as a mother. “Asians often have newborns sleeping in the parents’ bed, sometimes even for years! As such, husbands begin to feel neglected,” warns by some doctor, who advises couples to discuss their changing roles and division of responsibilities.

On the other hand, for some mums like Karen, the baby can also create a stronger bond between the wife and husband. “We have more things to talk about, and more decisions to make together. Having a baby increased our sense of inter-dependence and brought us closer together.”

What’s haunting me is the latter part of the love-hate relationship I have with nursing: leaking breasts the size of watermelons; feeling like I belong on a meadow among the cows; constantly smelling of breast milk; horrible cotton pads stuffed into bras that look like something from Grandma’s underwear drawer; and being the only one who can feed the baby in the middle of the night.

With these memories comes shame. After all, shouldn’t I have moved beyond these mixed feelings? I want to give my third child the same start in life that the first two had — breastfed for six months — yet this time I want to really enjoy it.

If you are feeling this way during pregnancy or encountered difficulties feeding previously, it’s best to get help around 35 or 36 weeks, with enough time to plan before baby arrives. As long as we know a mother’s history, we can talk through her concerns and work out a plan.

For my next baby, I suggest one bottle of expressed milk daily once lactation is established (usually at six weeks). Allowing my family to help with feeding will give me a break. The key to having the baby taking swell to both breast and bottle is being consistent.

If you stop for a week, the baby is likely to revert to just the breast and you could miss your window of opportunity. Being a lactation consultant and midwife makes me a natural breastfeeding activist.

What if I choose not to breastfeed?

We want the mother to breastfeed, but if she is unable or doesn’t want to, then we will support her in her choice. Pony’s response is very much in line with the center’s ethos — support to all mothers, regardless of whether or not they breastfeed.

Still a few months from birth, I am already feeling more relaxed about breastfeeding. I know that however wonderful and beneficial nursing my child is, it’s not a barometer of how much I love him or her.

The first shocking realization comes when new mothers realize that they still look six months pregnant after being wheeled out of the delivery room! I remained quite plump for the first two months, and only started to regain my figure in the seventh month.

According to doctor research explains that the amount a mother loses immediately after delivery would depend on the weight of the baby (usually 3 to 3.2kg), placenta (1/7th of the baby’s weight) and amniotic fluid (1 to 1.54); on average, 7kg in all.

“How long she takes to lose all the weight from pregnancy will depend on how much she has gained. So, don’t put on too much weight; 10 to 12kg is just perfect,” says doctor, who recommends total breastfeeding, dieting and exercise after the first six weeks of birth as good ways to regain your svelte pre-birth figure.

Reality Checking Your Emotions

If you are a first-time mum, don’t be surprised if you feel “sad” when bringing your baby home. “Baby blues” is a common syndrome that affects 50 to 70 per cent of postnatal women.

“It usually lasts a few days, in which new mothers experience spells of irritability and gloominess, as well as episodes of crying. More commonly, this afflicts first-time mothers and those who previously had significant premenstrual fluctuations of mood associated with PMS. This is attributed to hormonal changes after delivery,” says doctor.

Some mother even found herself “weepy” during the first month. They worried constantly if their baby was drinking sufficiently or sleeping well, and also felt especially useless when they could not breastfeed their son directly.

Doctor explains that the hormonal changes, coupled with the need to cope with a newborn baby, problems with breastfeeding, and a change in lifestyle, can be very challenging to any new mother, especially if she does not have any support.

“The clash in ideas on how to bring up the baby, the husband going to work, a crying child, and simple issues such as whether to use the supplements that are encouraged by some confinement ladies and grandmothers – all add to the depression,” says doctor, who advises new mothers to read, attend antenatal classes, and seek support from breastfeeding advisers or other mothers from the same generation. However, she cautions that “nothing really prepares you for the real thing”.

“So cliché, you obviously read too many magazines!” scoffed my bemused hubby.

“Well, do you have any better suggestions then,  Mr Computer Nerd?” I challenged him haughtily.

“I’m glad you asked, because as a matter of fact, I do have some ideas that I would like to run by you,” said my husband rather enthusiastically.

The Fantasy Feeling.

I remember feeling a slight twinge of apprehension at this point, and knowing his fascination with anime, I guess I could more or less tell what was coming. What I didn’t know however, was just how elaborate Chris’s fantasy really was.

I suppose you could say that you can’t knock down an idea until you’ve completely heard it out. Trying my utmost to suppress my giggles, I listened to my husband’s plan to dress up as characters in one of his favorite animation series and re-enact a scene whereby I would be “saved” by his heroic character. Like a slick executive trying to pitch his idea, my husband told me his little plan to go somewhere deserted and outdoors to get it on. I must say, incredulous as I was at the sheer audacity of his suggestion, I did feel a slight tremor of excitement as it sounded forbidden, unconventional and pretty sexy and hot.

After much wheedling (yes, grown men do that too!), I finally decided to give it a try late on Saturday night. From what I can recall, I was trudging into a forested area wearing nothing but a strange, skimpy costume and mumbling to my husband, “Oh why can’t you just have that school teacher fantasy like all other guys?”

Finally, we managed to find a small clearing that we deemed secluded enough so that we would not be caught in the act. With my arms tied around the trunk of a nearby tree, we thus began to re-enact the scene whereby my husband’s superhero character would have to come rescue me.

I must say that I felt rather vulnerable standing there in a public space wearing close to nothing, and it was quite a turn on. My heart was pounding wildly against my chest and I began breathing heavily as my husband undid the piece of cloth binding my hands together. After he struggled with the rope for a while, things started getting hot and heavy. Knowing that we might get caught at any minute provided us with that adrenaline rush of excitement that we had never experienced before. Finally, when the deed was done, we quickly dressed and made our way to our car parked nearby, faces flushed with exhilaration and embarrassment.

The End…?

Thrilling as it was, my husband and I decided to limit our role-playing activities to the confines of our bedroom, as what we just did was dangerous, not to mention illegal. Nonetheless, that one time was enough to re-ignite the sparks in our feelings of passion towards one another and things have not been the same since then!

Donny, on the other hand, had something else in mind. Despite his apparently happy family life, he divorced his wife at the end of their first year in Australia. He claimed to have found “the love of his life.”

Stephanie, a former office clerk who gave up her career to support her husband’s work, simply couldn’t believe her ears. “I thought we had a great marriage. He had just recently mentioned that we should go to the Maldives for our tenth anniversary. We were best friends,” she says. Stephanie and Donny were together for fifteen years and were married for over nine of those.

Donny left home the same evening after breaking the news, and Stephanie watched her two children, aged ten and seven, crying in despair. For the first few weeks, she denied the situation, thinking that he was just having “a hard time at work” and that he would return.

A month on and forced to deal with the practicalities of family life on her own, Stephanie found herself relying greatly on her new friends.

“When we live abroad without family and relatives close by, good friends become our real family and baby. I couldn’t have coped without their advice and support, even for things like finding a lawyer. My helper has been like a mother. She has been looking after me and my children with so much care.” So far, Stephanie doesn’t know what the future holds financially for her and the children as she and John have not yet agreed on where the family should live.

“It is difficult for me even to Google ‘divorce’ on the web,” she acids. “I didn’t come to Australia to get divorced.” Stephanie is still coming to terms with her new circumstances. She remembers that she had contingency plans for her husband losing his job, their parents dying or someone falling sick. “But never thought that he would ever leave.”

On a positive note, she says that her children are the most important things in her life and that her happiness comes from within.

Spontaneity:

Variety stimulates the pleasure centers of the brain, maintaining the climate of romance, writes Professional Advisor.

So steer clear of routine. Full your husband‘s need for spontaneous, and unscheduled, sex by making love in the morning, instead of bedtime. Danger (of being late for work, for instance!) and novelty are two passion triggers that can be tripped very pleasantly by an unexpected roll in the hay.

Visual Stimulation (pretty things):

Men like to look according to Dr. Fisher, with most psychologists agreeing that for men, the visual image triggers romantic passion.

Don’t neglect your physical appearance, and use your looks to your advantage. “I always wear nice lingerie under my business suits,” shares Amanda, 30, “and make sure my husband sees. He loves it!”

Other visual treats would involve making love with the lights on; or in soft candlelight, which will give you a very flattering – and sexy glow.

Letting him take the lead:

Based on a study done by Dartmouth University, women who look men in the eye are perceived as sexier and more attractive. “When someone looks at us,” says study author Malia Mason, “it’s physiologically arousing.”

Try gazing at him over the dinner table…and once you’ve snagged his attention, rev him up even inure by telling him what you’d like to do next.

Learning What Please Him:

This is actually very important to men, who tend to be goal- oriented when it comes to sex. Lou Paget writes, “Granted, most men find the act of pleasuring his partner a huge turn-on.”

So tell him what pleases you, and what doesn’t. Being verbal about what feels good gets the message across in a way that thrills both you, and your partner.