Donny, on the other hand, had something else in mind. Despite his apparently happy family life, he divorced his wife at the end of their first year in Australia. He claimed to have found “the love of his life.”

Stephanie, a former office clerk who gave up her career to support her husband’s work, simply couldn’t believe her ears. “I thought we had a great marriage. He had just recently mentioned that we should go to the Maldives for our tenth anniversary. We were best friends,” she says. Stephanie and Donny were together for fifteen years and were married for over nine of those.

Donny left home the same evening after breaking the news, and Stephanie watched her two children, aged ten and seven, crying in despair. For the first few weeks, she denied the situation, thinking that he was just having “a hard time at work” and that he would return.

A month on and forced to deal with the practicalities of family life on her own, Stephanie found herself relying greatly on her new friends.

“When we live abroad without family and relatives close by, good friends become our real family and baby. I couldn’t have coped without their advice and support, even for things like finding a lawyer. My helper has been like a mother. She has been looking after me and my children with so much care.” So far, Stephanie doesn’t know what the future holds financially for her and the children as she and John have not yet agreed on where the family should live.

“It is difficult for me even to Google ‘divorce’ on the web,” she acids. “I didn’t come to Australia to get divorced.” Stephanie is still coming to terms with her new circumstances. She remembers that she had contingency plans for her husband losing his job, their parents dying or someone falling sick. “But never thought that he would ever leave.”

On a positive note, she says that her children are the most important things in her life and that her happiness comes from within.

Helen and their two children, aged eight and ten, had just come from another post in Asia. “I was a homemaker. I had no job and no qualifications to get one. I looked at myself and knew that I was a good mother and housewife. But I lacked confidence.”

The first year was the toughest and Helen admits she couldn’t have survived without a good friend in another country who was available at all hours on the phone to help.

“I didn’t know anybody in NZ. I feared for my future and how to raise the children on my oven. How do you start your career in your 40s?”

Helen wrote down her goals and a five-year plan. She decided to stay in New Zealand to give her children the best possible education. Then she enrolled in courses on computer skills and management, and now she is finishing her master’s degree. “I wanted my children to think that I was awesome. And now, when I wake up in the morning, I feel that life is good.”

Having hit rock bottom, as she describes her divorce, Helen emphasizes that friends are essential, but that they must also be patient if their advice isn’t followed immediately. “You know what you need to do but you are no lost in your devastation that you can’t move on. It can be very frustrating for friends.” Helen observes that despite living in a community that proclaims itself modern, her children suffered a silent exclusion in social circles and schools. “We wouldn’t get invited to certain gatherings because we were a one-parent family.”